Inspirations: Even More Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far
September 19, 2008
Some people live in and talk about the past so much it’s as if they are "planning for the past."
The "I’m an adult victim/survivor of (fill in the blank)" culture does a great disservice to the possibility of change. There comes a time when you have to give up the identity of victim/survivor and decide who you will be now and in the future.
Here are 5 emotional states that can change your life: disgust, commitment, desire, decision and resolve.
Some people confuse foolish stubbornness with determination.
Would you hire a carpenter or plumber who had only one tool in their toolbox? Of course not. And yet we often approach life situations with an equally limited supply of tools. It was Abraham Maslow that said "if the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
Have you noticed that common sense seems to be less and less common?
Sometimes I think God got it backwards. So much would be different if we could be parents before we were children.
Parenting is like eating with chopsticks, playing golf, or driving a car. It looks so easy until you try it.
Be careful of hindsight. While it may be 20/20, what might have been is not necessarily what would have been.
There is no such thing as "no-fault divorce."
If the two greatest and most common phobias are flying and public speaking, I wonder what would happen if you had to give a speech on a plane?
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t thought of a great idea for a product or service and then see someone else make lots of money with it years later. So next time you get a great idea, put it into action.
I have just one question for husbands (or wives for that matter) who don’t believe in marriage counseling: "Do you believe more in dovorce?"
People who talk on cell phones in a movie theater should be made to clean up the floor after the movie ends, using only their tongue and bare hands.
The more I do this counseling thing, the more I realize two things: I’m really just a coach, and there is so very much I do not know.
Wouldn’t it be cool if teachers coming out of college were treated like star athletes? You know, a draft, multimillion dollar contracts and signing bonuses……
Most parents of teenagers have had the experience of playing "human alarm clock", having to try and wake up their teen for school. Research shows that adolescents need more sleep than adults. There could be several factors involved in your teen being too tired to get up. One possibility many parents don’t think to check is that somewhere between bedtime and morning their kid has snuck out of the house and then snuck back in. Check for exit signs above the windows.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Inspirations: Some Other Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far
September 17, 2008
Some people live in and talk about the past so much it’s as if they are "planning for the past."
The "I’m an adult victim/survivor of (fill in the blank)" culture does a great disservice to the possibility of change. There comes a time when you have to give up the identity of victim/survivor and decide who you will be now and in the future.
Here are 5 emotional states that can change your life: disgust, commitment, desire, decision and resolve.
Some people confuse foolish stubbornness with determination.
Would you hire a carpenter or plumber who had only one tool in their toolbox? Of course not. And yet we often approach life situations with an equally limited supply of tools. It was Abraham Maslow that said "if the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
Have you noticed that common sense seems to be less and less common?
Sometimes I think God got it backwards. So much would be different if we could be parents before we were children.
Parenting is like eating with chopsticks, playing golf, or driving a car. It looks so easy until you try it.
Be careful of hindsight. While it may be 20/20, what might have been is not necessarily what would have been.
There is no such thing as "no-fault divorce."
If the two greatest and most common phobias are flying and public speaking, I wonder what would happen if you had to give a speech on a plane?
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t thought of a great idea for a product or service and then see someone else make lots of money with it years later. So next time you get a great idea, put it into action.
I have just one question for husbands (or wives for that matter) who don’t believe in marriage counseling: "Do you believe more in dovorce?"
People who talk on cell phones in a movie theater should be made to clean up the floor after the movie ends, using only their tongue and bare hands.
The more I do this counseling thing, the more I realize two things: I’m really just a coach, and there is so very much I do not know.
Wouldn’t it be cool if teachers coming out of college were treated like star athletes? You know, a draft, multimillion dollar contracts and signing bonuses……
Most parents of teenagers have had the experience of playing "human alarm clock", having to try and wake up their teen for school. Research shows that adolescents need more sleep than adults. There could be several factors involved in your teen being too tired to get up. One possibility many parents don’t think to check is that somewhere between bedtime and morning their kid has snuck out of the house and then snuck back in. Check for exit signs above the windows.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Inspiration: A Few More Things Ive Noticed Along the Road So Far
September 15, 2008
Here’s a quote from the late great columnist Sydney Harris that I believe says much about the state of marriage in our culture: "Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that they automatically deserve great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes they automatically deserve success in marriage."
One of the best unexpected blessings of marriage is to count the parents of your spouse among your friends.
Certain so called "parenting experts" may be saying the right things. So why do they have to say the right things in such a very wrong way?
Three things guaranteed to bring out any "unfinished business" in a family: births, deaths and weddings.
From now on, whenever we leave on a family trip, I will choose something to be the "designated item we forgot to pack." I even have a place picked out in the garage to put it the day before we leave.
It’s myth, perhaps started in the James Dean era, that teenagers have to rebel. They do have to learn how to separate from their family. This is a good thing, unless you want your kids living with you when they are thirty. But they don’t have to rebel.
The decision to have a child is the decision to have your heart walking around outside of you for the rest of your life.
No matter how hard we try not to, as parents we catch ourselves saying the very things we hated hearing from our own parents and swore we would never say to our own children.
An old song seems to be the closest thing we have to a time machine. Hearing a favorite song can instantly take you back in time, place, and emotion.
No matter what I’m doing, or how very busy I think I am, I just can’t resist these six words; "Daddy, will you play with me?"
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Inspiration: Some Things Ive Noticed Along the Way So Far
September 14, 2008
Let’s file this one under the heading of random musings and observations, or what I like to call "things I’ve noticed along the way so far."
Of the many things we tend to forget about in our fast paced culture, two of the most important are how to play and how to rest.
Even if the grass is greener on the other side it’s still got to be mowed.
Like most men, one of my biggest emotional needs in marriage is to be and feel appreciated. It took me a long time, almost too long, to figure out that in order to be appreciated, I had to do a whole lot more than just show up.
It’s much easier to raise a child than to repair an adult.
Exactly when did fast food become so slow?
Most women simply need to be told frequently and shown often that they are loved.
Just about every kid I’ve ever worked with faced the challenge of a "personality conflict" with a teacher. Of the many ways to handle this challenge is to look at it as good practice for adulthood, when the exact same thing will happen in the workplace.
When it comes to adequately expressing emotional pain, the English language falls terribly short.
People who complain more than their share are usually trying to tell someone how very much they hurt.
There are lots of folks who are in a relationship because it’s socially acceptable, while being committed to something else in their lives.
Can someone please explain to me what could be so important as to be worth risking your own life and the lives of others by running straight through the red light at a busy intersection?
Some people enjoy the defining and re-defining of a problem much more than solving the problem.
Whether you look upon the things you do every day as a burden or a privilege determines whether you do them grudgingly or gracefully.
How is it that couples can be involved in a nasty loud heated argument and when the phone rings they stop and answer it with a pleasant hello? We seem to be more willing to talk pleasantly and kindly to an unknown caller than to our spouses.
It never ceases to amaze me how creative we are at complicating our lives.
Here’s a quote I recently came across that hit’s the emotional bullseye: "Being cared about is something so desperately needed in this depersonalized world that people will crawl across a thousand miles of desert to get it."
In the wake of all the recent school violence, those asking "how could this be happening?" are asking the wrong question. A much better question is "What are we going to do about it?"
If you are blessed enough to still have elderly relatives and aren’t regularly "picking their brains", then you are really missing out on a great source of experience and wisdom.
Most depiction’s of marriage/family counseling in the movies or on TV embarrass me.
Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
Safety ? Are You OK?
September 12, 2008
Safety is an interesting concept. When we think of safety we almost intuitively think of its opposite, danger. Some people say that "our thoughts create our reality." I would differ with that in one important way. I would say our thoughts create our perception of reality or our interpretation of reality. That is not the same thing, but it is at least as important. Byron Katie says "Reality is kinder than our thinking."
There are many things we cannot control. We cannot control the weather, though we have tried. We cannot control the events and situations in our lives. Boy howdy, do we try to control that! And believe it or not, we definitely cannot control other people. I know we try that all the time. But it never works out the way we want it to. Have you noticed?
Do you know the Serenity Prayer? When I first learned this prayer, my friend, Lisa, defined each of the phrases for me very carefully. She said, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. That means everything outside your skin." Well, I didn’t like that one bit. My boyfriend was certainly outside my skin and I really wanted him to change a lot. Phooey.
Then she told me the next line, "the courage to change the things I can. That means some things inside your own skin, but not all of it." Oh dear. I was feeling totally out of control now. That seemed dangerous. And last, but not least, "and the wisdom to know the difference." Well, at first I thought I was done for. If I couldn’t control anything outside myself nor control everything inside, either, where did that leave me? That sure didn’t strike me as safe.
But from that simple prayer and that key realization, I began to develop trust and faith. I wasn’t growing my teeth or beating my heart or remembering to take every single breath. Something was, though. I learned to realize that I was really safe from the inside out. I changed my perception of "reality." It looked like reality changed, but it didn’t. I changed. And that meant I was safe, safer than I even knew.
About this writer
Renee Mettaroy is a former therapist who is now much in demand as a safety inspector. She recognizes the need for both internal and external safety. You can read more articles about safety at GSA Safety
Charity ? Give To Receive!
September 10, 2008
We all know the truism that "charity begins at home." Does it? And what is charity about, anyway? Is it just a square on a Monopoly game to you or is it a regular practice of giving from your abundance to those in need?
My American Heritage dictionary has 5 definitions of charity. The first two are about giving to the poor. The third is "an act or feeling of benevolence." The fourth is "forbearance in judging others." The last has two parts: "the benevolence of God toward man" and "the love of man for his fellow men."
I think they have them backwards. Don’t you?
Wouldn’t it be the love of God and our love for our fellow humans that comes first and inspires all of the others? How could we have any of the others at all without these two? God’s love for us is the role model. We learn from God’s unconditional love to give that same love to others.
Only when we remember how richly we have received from Spirit can we have any feeling of benevolence, right? And from that feeling of benevolence or charity, don’t we often take action? We give. That giving is not necessarily to those who are poor in the realm of material things. It can also be giving to those who are feeling in poor health or who are somehow feeling spiritually impoverished.
We may not think we have enough for ourselves and so we are reluctant to give to charity or act from the feeling of charity in our hearts. Is that true? No. Almost everyone has something they can spare.
Mother Teresa has been quoted as saying that Americans think there is poverty in India, but India does not have the kind of poverty we have in America. She said that in India, if a poor person had only one banana, they would give half their banana to another starving person. But in the US we have many bananas and we won’t even give one away.
Why don’t we take a really close look at what we have and what we can spare? Then we can find the charity in our hearts and give half of our banana to those who have no banana at all. Look around you closely. It could be your husband or your daughter or maybe your next-door neighbor who needs your gift of charity and love. Charity does begin at home.
About the author
Ashley Mettaroy is a ministerial student and social activist. She wants to help the world by equalizing the use of vital resources, so that everyone has enough. You can read more articles about charity at Charity Free
