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After giving up my profession to become a wife, a mother of one, then suddenly seven made life very taxing for me. I soon came face to face with a challenging question. How did my identity become so obscure that I lost track of my hopes and dreams? Believing that I did not have any time left in my hectic schedule to accomplish my goals, I slowly began to lose perspective of whom and what I was about. My life became filled with doctor’s appointments, therapy sessions, counseling, grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, dance classes and swimming lessons.
I anticipated my various new roles but they were not quite the way I imagined them. Adopting four children seemed like a really noble idea but the reality was that its profound vertigo-like existence of seemingly insurmountable ordeals, trials and triumphs followed by more trials was very challenging for me. Its intense effect led to my struggling with the choices I had made in life.
First I chose to marry my husband, who I knew would be transferred from the city where we lived at the time of our marriage. This meant giving up a job that I loved, and that family and friends would now be two thousand miles away. This marked the beginning of my abandoning many of my aspirations and dreams without any insight into all the other wonderful things that would emerge as a direct result of that. Outwardly I expressed the joy of being a newlywed; inwardly I mourned the loss of my friends and colleagues and then quietly expressed my thoughts through poetic writings.
Two years after marriage, my first child was born and this was a joyous time for both Bill and I. Remembering his own childhood and having been raised like an only child, Bill did not want to inflict the same ordeal on his child. He was the last of three children, born eight years after a sister that preceded him. He brought up the topic of adoption when our son was five months old. We had discussed adopting prior to marriage, so when our son Trey was ten months old, we started our state-mandated parenting class. It was at these classes that I first viewed the photos of our four beautiful daughters. The children’s photos were in pairs of two, so naturally I thought it was a family of two. Upon inquiring about the two children, I was told it was a sibling group of four. I certainly was not interested in adopting four children, but I could not shake their precious little images from my mind. On occasions I would inquire about the progress of finding a home for the children. The answer was always the same: Most people were interested in one child maybe two but not four. After months of prayer and soul searching William and I decided to bring them home.
After our daughters came home, life was far from what I imagined it would be. My beautiful daughters had some struggles of their own. Moving from the house they had come to know as home was very traumatic for them. They were not equipped with any training or experiences to make the transition easier. With limited self-expression the older children acted out their fears and frustration by throwing temper tantrums and bullying their younger siblings. For the most part our household was in constant commotion. I became very focused on wanting to makes things better. Pretty soon I took on their issues as my own. There were numerous difficulties, from struggling to adjust to a new home, to dealing with abuse from their past, to learning difficulties. Through it all I learned to love them and took measures to make life better for them. Simultaneously, I bemoaned the fact that they were not the perfect children I dreamed of parenting and to add to my already precarious situation, I became pregnant with our sixth child.
I gave birth to that child soon after we consummated our adoption. I now had six children ages zero to five years, after four years of marriage. Time to do the things I loved was now non-existent. I was compelled to eliminate all other activities that were outside of home life. This, however, had a profound impact on me. I slowly became conflicted. Having to meet the needs of my household was overwhelming; yet I had to do it, convinced that if I faltered it would mean that I failed my children. I held firmly onto my preconceive idea that if I give them my all there would be a miraculous improvement. Instead I became frustrated, then discouraged and resentful. No longer tactfully problem solving, I began to focus on all the things I wanted to do and no longer had the time to do. I stopped taking pride in my accomplishments, even though I had made great progress with my children. Every negative encounter I had became magnified. I felt that they were a direct reflection of my community and their views of me and my family as a whole.
Having lost focus of the things that were important, I no longer took pride in the things that a mother found fulfilling, like teaching my five older children how to read fluently by age five, despite some of their academic challenges. I was now finding it very difficult to help my youngest daughter with her reading. In the past, teaching my children was worth more to me than its weight in gold. Not wanting to give into the misconception that giving up my profession to become a homemaker had some how robbed me of myself, I started to reflect inwardly. Where did the vivacious, cheerful, fun-loving side of me go? I loved my family! Could the inner struggles I was having be as a direct result of my choosing to dedicate all my time to them? I needed them as much as I needed the woman I was. They needed her too.
Paging through my diary, hidden within the pages of the many poetic entries was my hopes, fears, my love for my children, lost love and dreams for the future of forgotten hurting children, all the things that made up the core of who I was. Then being the dreamer and risk taker that I was, I compiled my very personal thoughts and submitted them to a publisher in the form of a book called Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality.
Having taken this fascinating journey through my struggles, I now had a new understanding of some of the challenges that mothers of large families, adopted and foster families have. These struggles which sometimes included giving up social events, having a full calendar of appointments, and frequently having to carry all the children grocery shopping, were very humbling for me. While it thought me to become more reliant on my creator it also changed my dreams and goals, for they now incorporate other foster and adopted families. I know who I am. I also know the value of having others around to help and offer support. I also know the importance of taking time to replenish myself. For many adopted mothers, this is currently not apart of their lives, but I would very much like for it to be, even if it comes in the form of post-adoption services. I dedicated my poetry book to hurting children everywhere so as to hold unto this dream of making a difference in the lives of hurting children. I hope to accomplish this by donating a part of my royalties to agencies that provide services to adoption and foster families.
Life-altering circumstances changed the direction of my life and momentarily robbed me of its joy. If one person can benefit from it, then living through it is worth it. It was my struggling, loving and advocating for my children that has rewarded me. I am now mindful of the things that are most important, for I have been blessed in ways I never thought I would be.
Ruth Garnes’ Fantasy/Controversy or My Reality can be purchased on line from Barnes & Noble.com, Amazon.com and from the Publisher at Publish America.com. For more information about the author visit her web-site at http://home.earthlink.net/~rgarnes.
Ruth Garnes
Ruth Andrews Garnes was born in Belize the second of six children. She moved to New York City at age eighteen. After studying nursing she worked in the emergency room in Bellevue Hospital. She currently resides with her husband and seven children in the Houston Texas area. Having always had a heart for hurting children she adopted four sisters. Through her writings she hopes to be able to make a difference to hurting children everywhere by giving a voice to their struggles.
Home Business - Con Prevention; Learn the Cons
by: Marl Atkins
If, like many of us, you’re a home based business owner, you know that there are many hooks and crooks out there. If you’re new at it or still thinking about opening a home based business then hear this! Crooks do exist in business and they will take your money if they can. So does that mean it’s safer to not run a home based business? SAFER? Are you looking for something safer? If you don’t take chances you’re not going to win. Abolutely not! You stand to make much better money working for yourself and you’re sure to be much happier being your own boss. Like anything in this World, you just need to be aware of what’s really going on in your business arrangements. Don’t be naive and think that everybody is a nice person. This is BUSINESS! The rules are *almost* ‘there are no rules’. Most businesses are dependable and trustworthy. They value your long term opinion of them because they are fully aware of your potential ability to bring (or prevent) business for them in the future. A saying in business goes ‘if you’ll only do business with people that you trust then don’t bother trying to do business’. Here are a few tips to help keep your eyes open.
#1. Partners - business partners can range anywhere from your best friend to a financial supporter to a franchise business. When it comes to partnership arrangements in business, NEVER accept a word of mouth arrangement. Even if your partner is your very best friend, make sure that written legal agreements are drawn up that specify in detail the ownership, compensation and responsibilities of each party in the agreement. Make sure the agreement is signed in the presence of witnesses who could be called into court and properly notarized. Also, be wary of payment in stocks or stock options when you don’t have control over company stock splits and dilutions.
#2. Marketers - new businesses start up by the thousands on an ongoing basis. Marketers know this and some prey on new businesses. They’ll show you in graphs and statistics and eloquent words how you can make mega-bucks by using their strategies. Far too often, it is the marketers who make the money, not the businesses they’re marketing. They know you won’t come back and they don’t care. Even legitimate businesses can accidentally trap you. Take for example, Google AdWords. Open your Internet browser and go to www.google.com and search for any popular search words like say, ’scuba diving trips’. Notice on the right hand side ’sponsored links’. These are companies who pay Google each time a user, like you, clicks their link. Watch the ’sponsored links’ for a given set of keywords (ie. ’scuba diving trips’) for 3 months or longer. See if the ads (companies) don’t frequently change. If they do, Google made money, not the business who placed the ad. Otherwise, their link would stay there. Don’t misunderstand, Google AdWords can make you a lot of money if *you* know how to work the ads. Another example is email SPAM. How many times have you purchased something from an email advertisement? So, who do you think makes money from the endless onslaught of email SPAM? Usually, it’s the companies doing the SPAMming and not the companies who they are supposedly trying to sell products for. In general, if you see *one* given company using the same advertising over and over, it’s working. Otherwise, it’s probably not. Of course a business that does no marketing is doomed to a dismal failure. However, don’t be duped by fast talking advertisers. Quite often, they make the money, not you.
#3. Lawsuits - it is a bad practice to enter contractual arrangements thinking that other parties will not violate the agreement just to keep from getting sued. Take a trip to your local County Records department (or look it up on the Internet) and see how many judgements are still outstanding after 10 years or more. You may be shocked to find that a judge’s ruling that somebody owes you money does NOT guarantee that you will get it. A person can just disappear and the government will not give you privileged information to help you find them. A corporation can withdraw all their money, file for bankruptcy, close their doors and reopen as a different corporation. Also, quite often you’ll find that it may be more expensive to sue someone than to count your losses and walk away. Business dealers know this and use it. If I illegally conned you out of $150.00 would you sue me for it? Even if you could it probably wouldn’t be to your advantage. Or what if a business offered a ‘30 Day Money Back Guarantee’ and then didn’t make good on it? That con is a classic. When making business deals don’t count exclusively on legalities to keep you out of trouble. Make sure the other parties in the deal have genuine motives to stick to the agreement.
Being in business for yourself can be very liberating and quite lucrative. But business is about making money. Most of us believe that we can do better for ourselves by engaging in genuine commerce. That is, we provide a genuine product or service for a price at or near the monetary market value of the product or service that we provide. That’s what we call a ‘win win’ situation. Both the provider and the purchaser end up pleased with the outcome of the deal. However, there are business dealers who deem it entirely ethical to take whatever they can from you, whether legally or illegally as long as they don’t get hurt. Always be wary of business dealings like this. Try to work, within reason, with people who have already proven their trustworthiness and always try to foresee every potential outcome of any business deal you intend to engage.
About The Author
Marl K. Atkins Internet based marketing consultant, specializing in home based businesses.
http://www.bestworkfromhomebasedbusinesses.com
Best Work From Home Based Businesses
Everyone wants a blue ribbon. Blue. First place. The best. Even kindergarteners want that blue ribbon. In sports, I was never a blue-ribbon person. In a race I was always last. In baseball I was as likely to get hit on the head as to drop the ball. In basketball I was fine as long as there weren’t nine other players on the court with me. Where I got my horrible sports ability, I don’t know, but I got it. And I got it early.
During the spring of my kindergarten year, our class had a fieldtrip to a park in a town about 20 miles away. Making that drive now is no big deal, but when you’re six and you’ve lived in a town of 300 all your life, going to a town of a couple thousand is a very big deal. Nonetheless, looking back now, I don’t remember much of that day. I’m sure we ate our little sack lunches, played on the swings, slid down the slide-typical six-year-old stuff. Then it was time for the races.
However, these were no ordinary races. Some parent had come up with the idea to have the picnic kind of races, like pass the potato under your neck and hold an egg on a spoon while you run to the other side. I don’t remember too much about these, but there was one race that will forever be lodged in my memory-the three-legged race.
The parents decided not to use potato sacks for this particular race. Instead, they tied our feet together. One lucky little boy got me for a partner. Now what you have to know about this little boy is that he was the second most athletic boy in our class. I’m sure he knew he was in trouble the second they laced his foot to mine. As for me, I was mortified. This guy was a winner. He almost always won, and I knew that, with me, he didn’t have a chance.
However, apparently he didn’t realize that as deeply as I did at the time. He laced his arm with mine, the gun sounded, and we were off to the other side. Couples were falling and stumbling all around us, but we stayed on our feet and made it to the other side. Unbelievably when we turned around and headed back for home, we were in the lead! Only one other couple even had a chance, and they were a good several yards behind us.
Then only feet from the finish line, disaster struck. I tripped and fell. We were close enough that my partner could have easily dragged me across the finish line and won. He could have, but he didn’t. Instead, he stopped, reached down, and helped me up-just as the other couple crossed the finish line.
I still remember that moment, and I still have that little red ribbon. When we graduated 13 years later, I stood on that stage and gave the Valedictory address to that same group of students, none of whom even remembered that moment anymore. So, I told them about that little boy who had made a split-second decision that helping a friend up was more important than winning a blue ribbon. In my speech I told them that I wouldn’t tell which of the guys sitting there on that stage was the little boy although he was up there with me. I wouldn’t tell because in truth at one time or another all of them had been that little boy-helping me up when I fell, taking time out from their pursuit of their own goals to help a fellow person in need.
And I told them why I’ve kept that ribbon. You see to me, that ribbon is a reminder that you don’t have to be a winner in the eyes of the world to be a winner to those closest to you. The world may judge you a failure or a success, but those closest to you will know the truth. That’s important to remember as we travel through this life.
You may not have a red ribbon to prove it, but I sincerely hope you have at least a few friends who remember you for taking time out from your pursuit of that blue ribbon to help them. I’m thinking those will be the ones that really count-I know it’s the one that counted the most to me.
About The Author
Life is meant to be lived-not just survived. Find out how. Visit StaciStallings.com. You’ll feel better for the experience!
Finding a stable and secure income that will come year in, year out, no matter what happens on the farm, will give you real peace of mind. By investing off farm, you are not only providing a secure income now, but also preparing for retirement. This IS attainable by all levels of income earners and people of all ages.
I am a farmer’s wife and have lived through some good and bad seasons on the farm. If farming was all about money, then we wouldn’t still be here. Most of us farmers genuinely LOVE the lifestyle that farming brings.
However, being a ‘city girl’ and marrying a farmer, I struggle with the insecurity and irregularity of income. These days, you’d have to be a top financial professional to get it right 100% of the time. Some years we seem to have plenty of money and other we’re in debt before we even start paying for seeding expenses (and that doesn’t even include the tax due!). Does this sound familiar?
Well, I’ve got some great news for you. I have discovered a way that provides a regular income that is not affected by the rainfall! My husband and I have been investing in real estate now for a couple of years and have found that even in bad times, we still have that income to fall back on. This brings real ‘peace of mind.’ Trust me, it’s really not as hard or as expensive, as it sounds, and we as farmers have an extra huge benefit that we can take advantage of, and that is ? the fluctuating seasons and income! (I bet that’s a surprise!)
Firstly, real estate investing builds not only income for now (assuming you buy cash flow positive properties), but will also prepare you for a comfortable retirement. As a bonus, you also get the capital increase (real estate is said to double in value every 7-10 years approximately), as well as tax advantages. And if this isn’t enough, then you can also use other people’s money to acquire it and pay it off.
Sounds like a winner all around, don’t you think?
Not convinced yet?
Well, how could we use our fluctuating income to our advantage? As farmers, on a good year we could put money in a ‘mortgage offset account’ or just pay extra off the loan. This would reduce your interest payments. In a bad year, you can redraw the extra equity you have in the property, or properties. This investment vehicle can be used totally to your advantage (check with your accountant or tax advisor though).
I really could go on for ages about this brilliant opportunity because I am so passionate about it and it has been our saving grace over the last couple of years as well as having comfort in knowing that we’re planning for a secure financial future.
I really hope you have got some benefit out of this article, at least be inspired to check it out further. Good luck in your enterprises, whatever you do, and I hope that this year is a great one for you!
Mandy Nield is a recognised authority on the subject of investing. Whether you are a fully experienced master craftsman or a raw apprentice, you will learn exciting and achievable ways to improve your saving and invest profitably in real estate, to secure a financial future.
http://www.anyonecaninvest.com
Wood Pellet Stoves - The Future Is Heating Up
by: Richard Banks
If you are tired of hauling and splitting loads of cordwood, storing it and then carrying it again into the home, but still desire the ambience and radiance of a wood burning stove, then it may be time to check out the benefits of a wood pellet stove. Although on a direct cost comparison basis, the pellet fuel works out more expensive, it does come ready to use, and the wood pellet stove takes considerably less effort to operate and clean.
Using pellets of compressed sawdust, that provide obvious benefits for the home and environment, woodburning pellet stoves come in a wide variety of styles,both traditional and modern, as well as size, finish and heating output. More clean burning than traditional stoves, some wood pellet stoves are equipped with fans and thermostats for distributing the heat output more evenly within the room. As a rule of thumb most wood pellet stoves store about three days fuel, and require on average cleaning once a month; a simple job of just emptying an ashtray. Whilst freestanding wood pellet stoves offer greater design positioning flexibility, fireplace insert models are available as well as wood pellet furnaces that can be installed in basements or outhouses to heat the whole house. Depending on the manufacturer such as St.Croix stoves or Lancaster pellet stoves, these appliances can provide a heat output of anywhere between 10000 and 50000 BTU per hour.
As noted earlier, wood pellet stoves come in a wide variety of styles, sizes and finishes, but the first important decision when making a choice is the basic configuration of the stove. Freestanding pellet stoves offer the greatest flexibility in installation choice. Supported by a pedestal or on legs, freestanding pellet stoves are designed to be installed in almost any living area of the home, but they must be installed on a non-combustible floor protector. An added advantage is that wood pellet stoves can be installed much nearer to combustible surfaces than is required by more traditional heating stoves.
Wood pellet stoves that are designed to be fireplace inserts can be readily installed into existing fireplaces and decorative panels are available to cover the space between the fireplace insert and the fireplace opening. Some wood pellet fireplace inserts are approved only for use in masonry fireplaces, whilst others can also be installed in approved factory built metal fireplaces. Built-in wood pellet stoves are an economical choice that offers homes without an existing fireplace, the look of an insert in a fireplace setting. Non-combustible materials such as brick can be applied to the area around the front of the wood pellet stove to give the appearance of a fireplace. Once again a non-combustible floor protector is required, sometimes with additional spacers to provide an air space under the unit. Pellet furnaces are larger appliances designed to heat an entire house through ductwork. They are usually installed in a basement or outhouse and like all wood pellet stoves require efficient venting to the outside through an approved vent or flue.
As with all types of heating stoves, it is important when installing wood pellet stoves to ensure that they have an efficient means of expelling the waste gases and smoke, usually a chimney or compatible flue. It is advisable to seek advice from a certified dealer/installer who will advise and if required supply and install a suitable venting system. Indeed most suppliers of wood pellet stoves offer a complete installation service.
About The Author
Richard Banks is a contractor with many years experience in home remodelling and improvements. For more information on fireplaces visit Fireplace Capital.
fireplacecapital.co
Little is known of the early history of Kokeshi Japanese Wooden Dolls. One school of thought believes that Kokeshi dolls have their origins in the practice of spiritualist religion. Wooden dolls were thought to contain the spiritual essence of the dead and were often made for honorary remembrance.
The modern history of Japanese Kokeshi dolls began in the latter part of the Edo Era (1603-1867). Originating in the Tohiku region of northern Japan, famous for it’s hot springs and rejuvenating spa waters, Kokeshi Dolls acted as an important source of extra income for local artisans known as Kijiya (which means woodworker in Japanese), who specialised in wood work and the production of household utensils such as trays and wooden bowls. In severe winters these Kijiya craftsmen began making “Kokeshi Dolls” to sell as souvenirs to visitors who frequented the local hot springs. The dolls acted not only as souvenirs but also as massage tools used by the bathers to tap their shoulders whilst enjoying the warming benefits of the hot springs.
The Kokeshi dolls were very simple in design, originally made on hand-powered lathes. Traditional Kokeshi dolls had common characteristics that consisted of a basic cylindrical limbless body and a round head. Though the first dolls might have been unpainted, today most Kokeshi are painted in bright floral designs, kimonos, and other traditional patterns. Colors used were red, yellow and purple. As all the dolls are hand painted, no two faces are alike. This is perhaps the greatest charm of the Kokeshi. Some dolls are whimsical, happy and smiling, while others are serious.
Soon their popularity spread throughout Japan and they became favoured as wooden toys for those unable to afford porcelain dolls. In addition the simple rounded shapes of the dolls lent themselves as early teething rings for young babies.
Kokeshi dolls traditionally represented young girls and they quickly became popular for their depiction of feminine beauty. In addition their simple charm and association with childhood meant that they were often given as gifts when a child was born, as birthday presents or as symbols of remembrance when a child died. In addition Kokeshi Japanese Wooden Dolls were popular with the children of farmers as it was widely thought that they would promise a good harvest, as it was believed that it would create a positive impression on the gods if children played with the dolls.
The woods used for Kokeshi vary. Cherry is distinguished by its darkness. Mizuko or dogwood is softer and used extensively. Itaya-kaede, a Japanese maple is also used. The wood is left outdoors to season for one to five years before it can be used to make a doll. Today, Kokeshi is recognized as one of the traditional folk arts of Japan.
Despite their common features two schools of design exist, Traditional Kokeshi and Creative Kokeshi.
Traditional Kokeshi are for the main part still only produced in the six prefectures of the Tohoku region. The twelve schools of design here all exhibit distinctive features that allow experts to tell exactly where they have been produced and often by whom.
Creative Kokeshi do not follow the traditional designs originating from the Tohoku region and instead have an unstructured inspiration which is completely free in terms of shape and painting, the only traditional constraint being their manufacture by means of the lathe. Unlike traditional kokeshi, they do not display any of their distinctive local colour nor the techniques that had been passed down through the generations. They simply represent the creative thought and ability of the craftsman.
Traditional and Creative crafted dolls have become a cause for celebration in Tohoku and across Japan. Every year, in early September, people gather in Naruko Onsen where craftsmen from across the nation gather to honor Kokeshi in a competition where the number one prize is an award from the Prime Minister.
There are many different styles of Kokeshi, but there is one philosophy that all Kokeshi dolls share, and that is the pursuit of beauty and artistry through simplicity. This philosophy is extolled at the website: www.dollsofjapan.co.uk
Ivor Conway has traveled extensively throughout Japan and was charmed by the Japanese art form of Kokeshi. The website, http://www.dollsofjapan.co.uk, is a global resource intended to further knowledge of these simple but elegant works of art.
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