Have you or do you know someone who has been abused or been involved in an abusive relationship? What is your definition of abuse? All of us know that physical violence is abuse. We also know there is emotional and mental abuse too, but do we know what it really is?
I, myself have experienced physical, emotional, and mental abuse to different degrees. My family members and friends have suffered abuse from spouses and significant others, and in some cases even family members.
If you slap someone, that is abuse, and we know that. If you tell someone to shut up, is that abuse? Is it the tone of your voice or the conviction in which you say it, do those things make it abuse? Name calling is definitely a form of abuse.
Abuse breaks a person down bit by bit. Sometimes you don’t make it back. Your self -esteem is gone, you become out of control yourselves, sometimes the victim becomes the abuser.
Abuse will affect the way you look at yourselves and others. I have been slapped, punched and kicked, my nose has been broken, I have lost a baby because of abuse, and that is just the physical form.
I have been in knock -down drag -out fights with men because I didn’t agree with the way I was being treated and talked to. Because I wouldn’t accept the bull that people throw at me. I have been called names, such as bitch and whore, because I didn’t agree with a man, my opinion differed or because I was acting up, and because I made them jealous.
I got hit by a man (if you want to call him that) for the first time when I was 17 yrs old. You know what that did? It made me a fighter. I wouldn’t back down, and I’ll tell you I have had my ass kicked a few times, but I have also kicked some myself. Because NO man will ever lay a hand on me again and Noone is ever going to disrespect me and take away my spirit. They have tried, I am independent and I don’t need a man that bad.
I would rather live the rest of my life alone, then with someone who disrespects me and hurts me. There is always hope, there is always a way out. Someone will listen, someone will help. Noone on this earth needs to be treated badly. We were not put here for other people to knock us around. We are all special people in God’s eyes. We need to take care of each other, protect each other, do right by each other.
I have not been in an abusive relationship for years, I NEVER will be again. I am not afraid to face life alone, there is no need in anyone being that afraid. God Bless, and take care of each other, find happiness, everyone deserves that.
To God and Jesus; Thank you. To Bub and Doc; I love you.
Much as we love them, babies can bring parents to their knees when they wake frequently during the night.
Tired from a hard day at work, it’s hard to get up in the wee hours of the morning to soothe a crying baby who probably doesn’t realize he’s supposed to be nice and quiet so the rest of the family can get some rest!
So how do we cope with this situation? The first thing to realize is that babies do wake frequently during the night as their sleep cycles are shorter than ours. Most times we are unaware of this as they often just close their eyes and go back to sleep again.
However if your family’s sleep is being disturbed all the time, helping baby sleep through the night is priority number one! Here’s some things to try.
Make sure he goes to bed at the same time every night - In other words establish a baby sleep schedule. Babies & young children find routines comforting, it makes them feel secure. Whether it’s a bath, a cuddle or a bedtime story, try to do the same things every night.
Don’t put him down too late - It’s a fact that sleep deprived babies wake more frequently. Let him have naps during the day when he seems tired, this will help him sleep better at night.
Don’t stimulate your baby in the evenings or close to bedtime. He will find it harder to go to sleep and may wake up more often. Make the hours before bed soothing and relaxing.
Give him a chance to go back to sleep on his own. Babies will often do this if left for a few minutes. Falling back to sleep by themselves establishes good sleeping habits. Of course if he becomes really distressed you need to attend to him.
Is he too hot or too cold? Make sure the room is at a comfortable temperature. A baby’s room should also be dark and quiet for him to sleep properly.
Make sure he’s not sick. Babies can fall sick quite quickly. If he has a cold, a stuffy nose could be making him restless.
Is he thirsty? Sometimes a drink of water will settle him. Don’t offer sugary drinks or milk if it’s not his normal feed time.
Separation anxiety - Sometimes babies can wake up and not realize you’re in the room next door. In this case just calling out to him may suffice.
Night terrors and nightmares - They sound similar but are actually quite different. Babies will wake up frightened after a nightmare. They may act frightened when they are experiencing night terrors but are not awake. In any case they need to be comforted.
Music soothes everyone, even animals! If you have a tape or CD of lullabyes, this can work really well.
So try what works for you and your baby. Take a nap during the day yourself if time permits. Don’t worry if you get grumpy sometimes, you’re not supposed to be perfect.
Just remember these trying times won’t last for ever. If you have a happy baby during the day, you’re doing OK!
About The Author
Wendy Owen is a health researcher and author.
Want to know how to cure insomnia and achieve healthy sleep? Visit http://www.insomnia-connection.com your resource for good sleep advice and articles. Sign on for our newsletter and receive 2 books absolutely free!
Setting up Portraiture
by: Chris Thomas
Introduction
Portraiture is the ‘bread and butter’ of any professional photographer. Getting it ‘right’ is essential.
I once heard a professional artist - an oil painter - describe a successful portrait as one which told you something about the subject which you did not already know! I do believe there is something in this.
Capturing people in an unguarded and relaxed moment is possibly the trick.
Outdoor Portraits
Perhaps due to the warm summers that we have had over the past few years, I am finding that outdoor portraiture is becoming more popular.
For families, groups and for individuals this can be a great approach - using locations such as the back garden, a park or green fields - if you live in or near the country.
With this approach there is little point in using a backdrop - it is already there. However, make the backdrop unobtrusive - or an integral part of the study.
When I take an individuals portrait outdoors, and I have done this for several actors and professionals, I look for a green hedge, a nice neutral brick wall or a huge, slightly out of focus, green field to place behind the subject. The background is there - interesting in its texture perhaps - but of little consequence. Clearly the subject has to stand out from the background - so be careful with colour. A lady in a nice green office suit will not profile well against a hedge!
However the backdrop may be an essential feature of the photo. A farming family posed against a hay rick, with a few bales acting as seating props for the more senior members of the family.
I can offer two main tips concerning Lighting Outdoor Portraits.
Firstly beware of sunshine! Amateurs always think that bright sunshine is an ideal photo environment. The reverse is true. Bright but even light giving few if any shadows is ideal. Bright overhead sunshine - referred to as ‘top light’ by professional photographers, leads to shiny foreheads and deep dark eye sockets - very unflattering. In those instances put the subjects in shade - under a tree or some such place.
The above point illustrates the need for example when taking a wedding to have prepared for all contingencies beforehand in finding an appropriate location.
Further, midday clear skies produce blue light, and early morning or late evening sunshine yellow light - be aware of this! Set the colour temperature of the digital camera correctly or use a correcting filter in film work. Or use the colour cast to your advantage.
Secondly use a flash.
I cannot remember using free standing lighting in an outdoor location. But I usually use flash.
Why - to give the subjects a ‘key light’ in their eyes - which ads vibrancy and intimacy to the picture. The flash will also fill in those dark corners where daylight is not penetrating.
Indoor Portraits
I carry lights and backdrop in my working vehicle. So I can create a studio in my client’s home within 15 minutes!
Successful indoor portraiture cannot be achieved with on camera flash. This creates deep shadows and look very amateur. Studio lights are essential.
The backdrop is optional. Some customers like to have a neutral photographic background for their study. Others like to feature their home. Both will require lighting.
When lighting beware of mirrors, glass fronted frames and shiny objects which will pick up the flash!
I generally use three lights for indoor portraiture. A soft light from the left, a soft light from the right at reduced intensity, and a low level ‘key light’ at my rear. The light from the left will illuminate the subject, the light from the right will fill in the shadows and the key light will provide that all important glint in the eye.
Some photographers try to get very sophisticated with other lighting combinations. However, in my experience, when invited into people’s homes to take a set of portraits I recon one has an hour to get the job done! A quarter hour to set up, half and hour to take the shots, and a quarter hour to do the paperwork and get the equipment out. I try not to overstay my welcome and get on the clients nerves!
Studio Portraiture
Studio portraiture is easier for me because I do not have to set up - the equipment is already there.
But while I am in my familiar environment, the client group is not! So take care to relax and familiarise them as to where things are and what to do.
In the studio I use the same basic lighting combination as I would use in peoples homes. This keeps things simple. A range of backdrops should be available from the fashionable pure white through plain colours to traditional multi coloured photo canvases.
The sitting will probably last no more than a half hour to an hour and the customer should have been briefed as to what clothes to bring and changes of clothes which might be required.
What comes out of this is that clients need to be briefed before they leave their homes. Clothes, changes, time, location etc.
This highlights the advantages of a home based shoot where everything the customer wants is to hand.
Photographing the Professional
Actors and Actresses, Models, Politicians and Corporate Giants are a group of customers who want something special.
They want a special shot - something different. And they are prepared to be patient and experiment to get a distinguished result.
Innovative lighting using lights behind the subject to highlight hair, the use of coloured gels on lamps to provide effects, unusual poses or particular props might be required or desired.
These subject will spend half a day in the studio to achieve something which they want and which will be valuable to them.
This is playtime for the photographer. However, I always get a set of standard shots off first in order to have something in the bag in case the imaginative approach backfires!
Photographing Groups
>From Dinner Dances to School Proms the attendant photographer is expected to be able to capture the shot - be it a couple or a group of twenty friends.
In these instances I select - or have been allocated! - an appropriate spot and either set up a backdrop or use a feature of the environment.
In these instances where I may be photographing a very diverse grouping I put up three lights as before, left, right and a light behind me. They are all set at similar levels to provide an even coverage of the area in front of me - such that however many subject that I have, they are evenly lit.
Posing the Subjects
A complex subject and could occupy a book. This is one of the areas where the innovation and inspiration of the photographer comes to the fore. Since many decisions are made on the fly and adapting to a situation it is difficult to make rules.
A few basics:
Have the subjects stand at an angle to the camera - not facing it. This presents a more interesting profile. But the subjects should look into the camera lens. Except for the couple who might look into each other’s eyes!
Have a range of seats and stools available. When twenty people appear wanting to me photographed together, arrange them tightly using stools for the ladies - even getting some - gents? - to kneel on the floor - football team style.
Setting up The Lights
I use high power studio flash lights - both on location and in the studio itself. They are readily available from several manufacturers.
I very rarely point the lights at the subject! They are too harsh and bright! The only time I do this is in a hall when photographing an orchestra or very large group when I need the light coverage.
Pointing the lamps away from the subject I fit white umbrellas, which reflect a lower and softer light towards the subject.
All of the lights I use are able to slave. That is, when turned on, a light will fire itself if it detects a flash from another unit. This saves a great deal of wiring on location - and in the studio! I need only connect the camera to one light and the rest of the lights will slave.
Getting the Exposure Right
When taking outdoor portraits I use the programmed function of the camera most of the time. The camera is sophisticated enough to take into account the small amount of additional light from the on camera flash.
In the studio, or in the home environment when using lights, I set the camera to manual mode and select one 60th or 100th of a second shutter speed to synchronise with the lights and freeze and motion. Then an aperture of F8 or F16 to give a reasonable depth of field.
Following this I set up each light with a flash meter such that I get the overall balance of light I require.
In Conclusion
Portrait photography is a very broad subject and requires much experimentation and experience to get good results every time. Find a patient sitter who can be paid off with a free portfolio!
info@view-link.com
Pond-Doctor-Dave’s Real World Question and Answer Series!
by: David Crimmins
1. Your Question:
Help Dave, I’ve googled for days and finally found you. I have a hard bottom, metal sided, formerly lined pool which has fallen into disrepair due to college bills. I would like to convert it to a garden pond/swimming pond, whatever. I am intrigued by the idea of going natural. The pool is rectangular, 18×36 with wide steps at the shallow end. The decking is reinforced concrete. We really miss the pool which got lots of use when the kids were young. We might be happy to fill in part of it to plant in and leave part for a misty fountain or koi pond. I wish however that we could still take a dip. My husband and I are older and not so active, but our “kids” are still not out of the house and would enjoy some water in the summer. Can you advise us? My attempts to get a pool guy to help have not been satisfactory, although for a million dollars one can get anything one wants, and unfortunately we are retired school teachers(ie not millionaires) who are still paying tuition. DIY sites? Suggestions? e.mail advice? Help would really help. We can afford a reasonable amount of money and the present condition is making our house look lousy.
My Reply:
Hi there Karen.
It sounds like you’ve got a project on your hands, but a potentially exciting one. A naturally filtered pool is definetely the way to go.
Is there a way to build a retaining wall in the pool basin to add a ‘regenerative zone’ or planted gravel bed? See my ’swimming pond’ page for a diagram. If so you will need to redirct plumbing to percolate up through the gravel with oxygen, see ‘easy pond aerator’. If not how about a conversion style filter as seen on my ‘pool conversion’ page?
Be sure to research everything I have to offer on Pond-Doctor-Dave.com it should fill in alot of the blank spots in your design ideas.
If you want fish you more than likely will need to be okay swimming with them. It is difficult to seperate them from where you want to swim.
Best I can say is go for it! Nothing is set in stone if you have any problems they can be worked out. There is an answer to every problem.
Be sure to keep me updated and I will gladly answer any questions you have as you move along.
2. Your Question:
Pressure Reqiured To Pump Water Straight Up 8″I.D X 40ft
My Reply:
Hi there Mike.
You’re going to need at least 40′ of head pressure, plus the depth of the pond, in combination with the GPM you desire. See: http://www.pond-doctor-dave.com/waterfall-pump.html
3. Your Question:
Hi Dave, I have a natural rock face as my backyard fence, at the bottom of the rock at the end of my patio is an area in which I would like to build up to make a pond and have the water running into down the rock face, how do you suggest I do this kind? regards Lynne
My Reply:
Hi there Lynne.
If you can dig out below the rock face to install a liner, cement and seal the lip of the liner at the base of the rock. Otherwise don’t use any more concrete than you need. Use natural stone to pile on the other edges to secure the liner and for the ‘look’.
You will need to devise a way to run flex pipe up and around your rock face and hide it somehow.
See: http://www.pond-doctor-dave.com/waterfall-pump.html and be sure to research pond-doctor-dave thouroughly to get the whole picture before you proceed.
It sound like a great project keep me updated.
About The Author
David Crimmins is a speaker, webmaster, designer, builder of all types of water features including natural swimming pools. Pond-Doctor-Dave is a complete resource for all garden waterfall and backyard pond enthusiasts. For more information see: http://www.pond-doctor-dave.com
Copyright (c) 2005, David Crimmins
If you’re anything like most baby boomers, after graying hair, poor eyesight, weight gain and winkles, age spots rank fifth on your list of aging nuisances. But you can find comfort in erasing those age advertisers right from your own kitchen.
What Causes Age Spots
To protect your skin against excessive sun exposure, your skin makes cells called melanocytes. Melanocytes create the dark brown pigment called melanin. The melanin makes your skin look darker or suntanned.
But sometimes, your typical day in the sun causes an uneven jump in melanocytes. This awkward production creates irregular coloring or pigmentation of the skin.
The resulting solar lentigines, or what most people call liver spots or age spots, can appear brown, black or gray. Age spots pop up on the areas of the skin most readily exposed to the sun, like the chest, back, face and hands.
Even youngsters can get age spots with too much unprotected sun exposure.
How to Avoid Age Spots Completely
Preventing age spots proves the best way to completely avoid them. This includes:
1. Avoiding intense sunlight hours from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.
2. Wearing a hat and long sleeve shirt in the sun.
3. Applying sunscreen 20 minutes before going outdoors and reapplying it every two hours.
Precautions
Additionally, note that the sun and excess chemicals don’t mix. For instance, most often in middle-aged women, might mistake irregular areas of reddish-brown pigmentation called poikiloderma for age spots.
Poikiloderma results from chronic sun exposure combined with sun-sensitive chemicals in cosmetics or perfume. Hence, poikiloderma most frequently appears on the side of the neck or on the cheeks.
Sunscreen Is More Potent Than You Thought
You may feel annoyed with the repeated advise of slathering yourself with sunscreen, but a study published in the October 14, 1993 edition of the New England Journal of Medicine gives you reason to appreciate your sunscreen an effective age spot eraser.
In the study, researchers found that among sunscreen users, those who rubbed on the most cream with the greatest regularity had the largest reduction in actinic keratoses.
Actinic keratoses (AKs) describe the rough, red, scaly patches, crusts or sores that measure anywhere from one-quarter to one-inch in diameter. Like most other age spots, you’ll find actinic keratoses on body areas most readily exposed to the sun.
How To Minimize the Appearance of Age Spots
Eat your age spots away Research studies also reveal the benefits of eating your nutrients to reduce the appearance of age spots. The water-soluble pigment found in most vegetables, fruits, grain, flowers, seeds, leaves and bark, called flavanoid provides numerous antioxidant properties.
In research studies, flavanoids even prevented cancer formation in animals.
Likewise, you’ll find age spot reducing properties in soy products. The protein extracts of soybean and soymilk contain several different estrogen-like substances called isoflavones. One study showed that soy isoflavones might lighten age spots.
Home Remedies
Erasing your age spots can begin right in your own kitchen. In Japan, the rice based drink, sake, serves as an age spot lightener when applied to the skin.
You can also use lemon juice to lighten age spots. Simply dab a cotton ball in freshly squeezed lemon juice and apply the liquid to the age spots twice daily- once in the morning and once in the evening. Warning: Lemon juice makes the skin photosensitive so ensure to protect your skin with sunscreen before enjoying the sunshine.
Pull a green papaya out of the fridge and use the fleshy side of the skin to reduce age spots. Just apply the papaya to the spots for 15-20 minutes daily and repeat until you attain the desire lightness.
Of course, since home remedies offer an inexpensive and gentle way to reduce age spots, they require time to see results- usually six to eight weeks.
What To Do Right Now To Stop Age Spots
Because age spots, poikiloderma and actinic keratoses can serve as warning signs for skin cancer, the American Academy of Dermatology recommends scheduling a professional skin examination each year.
You can find out how to give yourself a skin examination by visting http://www.skincarephysicians.com. Use this information now before your forget, because before you know it, the sixth aging nuisance for baby boomers- memory loss-will creep in on you.
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Written by admin · Filed Under Beauty
What Do All Parents Need To Know Before Your Child Goes To School?
by: Paul Mackie
Books for children do more than just entertain
The Importance of Reading to Children
Books for children are a great way to spend quality time and form a bond with your child. Reading to your children is not only fun and exciting but educational for the child; this has long been well known in the field of child development.
One of the best ways to help a child “learn how to learn” is to read to them. Not only is this a quality time activity, but it helps the child “read to learn”, to listen, get actively involved in the story and increases their self-esteem. Notice I said, “read to learn”, not “learn to read”.
If you follow the suggestions below, your child will know how to read, without being taught .
How can “learning to learn” be achieved?
Before I answer this question let me give you a few tips on reading to your child:
• read to your child every day
• read books with pictures, repetitive big words and short sentences
• when a child can say a word show them the written word
• start with naming words (nouns)
• then name verbs (action words) and act them out
• label the items in your house, write the names in big (at least 2 inch) letters
• always use large print text as a child’s visual pathways are not fully formed in the early years
• play games with words, pictures and rhyming sounds
• stop and ask “what do you think will happen next?”
• run you finger under text - left to right, top to bottom, front to back
• start with alphabet recognition
• sound out the different sounds for each letter
• sound out words
What is the answer to help a child “learn how to learn”?: Do what child development experts suggest, and read to your child today. Reading is the bond between yourself and your child and an investment in their future! The main key to any storybook is that it should be a sensory, play-based activity and above all be fun.
Storybooks are an excellent resource for the parent that wants their child to excel and receive the sensory input that is necessary in the early years between birth and seven years of age.
The thing that all parents need to know, before your child goes to school, is to provide books for children, books which provide activities to feed the seven senses; Storybooks That Teach provide those activities.
See how the concepts of books for children and early Child Development have been incorporated into a unique series of products by visiting - http://www.storybooksthatteach.com
paulmackie2@gmail.com
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